Oh, the Places I'll Go...

It's been an interesting night.

Here I lay on my living room rug. It's dark in here, everyone's gone to sleep. It's 11:30 and I'm just eating dinner, which is a delicious meal of cold chili on a boiled hot dog and a slice of bread. That's cool, it actually tastes kinda good. There are people starving all over the world, I'm not gonna complain.

I've been fantasizing about meeting my friends all day today. My friends from school - my online high school - whom I have grown so fond of. They mean a lot to me, and I talk to many of them a lot... Yet I've never actually, officially, physically met them. They're just pictures on a computer screen to me right now. I get to meet many of them this up coming May (59 days!) and I really wonder if I'll make it through the remainder of the semester to shake their hands and see the whites of their eyes. I think I can do it. I wonder if all Williamsburger freshmen who have never met their peers feel this way.

^Totally random, and it doesn't even go along with this post. But whatever.

*Takes bite of hot dog*

I've been thinking about my dreams a lot lately. My aspirations, my goals, what I want to do with my life...It's complex and complicated, and I don't like to talk about it. Why? Because. They're my dreams. My aspirations. My goals. This is my life; no one needs to know these things. I mean yeah, I want to be a wife and mother. Yes, I hallucinate about being a barrel racer. Maybe I pretend my old piano is black, shiny and grande. You get the jist.
But there's more to it. Something no one but God and I understand. All of those things (and a looooot more) have a unique connection to me than you will never understand. So I'm not going to explain it.

*Sigh* Welcome to the little window into my thoughts...
I never stop dreaming.
I never stop thinking about my dreams.
I'm goal driven.
Normal, hormonal teenage crisises and things rarely enter my brain.
Everything has meaning to me.
I'm waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting around for their hair to grow.
[I'm] just waiting. (Dr. Seuss, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!")

I don't really care about buses or planes, the mail, rain to go, the phone, snow, answers, or my hair. I'm waiting for something bigger. Waiting for my life to explode into change. And it's lame.

It's time for me to stop waiting and start making change happen myself. :) Fulfilling my dreams, now, and preparing for the life I want to lead seems so impossible...But you know what? Impossible's just an excuse not to try. I think I'll listen to Dr. Seuss instead.

NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying..
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

If you'll excuse me, I have some Boom Bands to find. :)
(after I finish this cold chili dog)