Nyeh. I can't sleep.

(For your information, "nyeh" is the new "meh". I made it up mahself, thank you.)

So it's 1:10 AM. So it's midterm week (AKA "Hell Week", depending who you ask). So I'm getting up at 4:00 AM tomorrow (today). So, so, so...

So what? My brain won't be quiet and I guess I'm embracing it.

Allow me to regurgitate everything I'm thinking:

The entrepreneurial generation. That's me.
I'm a piece of it. Pretty cool stuff. And then you have the average. The expected. The job training. The do-what-you-do-because-you-have-to side of everything. Ew.

I'm 16. I'm still young. I still stand before these two paths with a decision that is still yet to be made. I can go the more safe route, or take the road less traveled. I WANT TO TAKE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED, dang it! It is SO hard though, getting up the courage to tell people your dreams and your crazy ideas on how to pursue them. If I struggle with that I almost don't even want to know what kind of courage it will take to actually do the pursuing. But I do. Because I want to live the dreams.

Something I've come to learn is that the road less traveled is a fairly lonely one. Yes, I have friends, and they mean more than the world to me; I speak to them with my heart and trust them with my life. But they can't walk the same road I'm walking no matter how badly they want to. My journey is just that: mine.

And there will always be people who tell me it's too big of a risk. Who are realistic and even wise. They have been and will be people I love with my whole heart, and they are people worth listening to. I just have to let my journey be MINE, and follow the heart that's beating in my body, to my own rhythm, in my own song.

I want see the world.
I want to experience all those ways to BE.
I want to dance with little children to the music of their people.
I want to eat weird food.
I want to SEE people in their authentic state, when I can reach out to them and love and experience true human connection.
I want to be authentic.
I want to go to a place where time and direction don't exist. Where sunlight grows from the ground and dances from the palms of my hands.
I want to do what I love.
I want to be awesome.
I feel like life is so short.

I love how when I break down to my dad about this stuff he says, "You're only 16, Jules."
And then I'm like, "OH NO I'M 16 ALREADY?! WHAT?! I SWEAR I WAS FOUR-YEARS-OLD YESTERDAY."

But really, those words of his give me comfort. I've got SOME time to think it all through, though I feel I have very little.

"You talk about going to teach in Europe next year like it's no big deal."
"When you've had a dream for a long time you start to see it as reality. Even if it's not."

Reality. That's a whole 'nother post.

I need sleep.

~brain dump over~

Nyeh.